i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
