Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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