My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
