3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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