i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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