I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize