I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
