I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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