She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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