hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
