how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
