There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
