I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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