He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
