The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
