That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
