So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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