we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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