youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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