She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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