i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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