he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
