Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
