just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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