i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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