Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
