Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
