i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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