What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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