my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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