Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
