I skipped work to stalk him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
