I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, I just burned my penis
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
