Cold hands, warm shart.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
