According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
