Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
