iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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