too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
