last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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