Buhtt sex?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
