There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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