we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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