Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
