My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
