where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
