im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
