On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
