Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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