Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize