First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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