We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
