OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dignity is for republicans.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
