Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
