your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
