I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm too high and old for this...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
