Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
