Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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