i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
