I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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