He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize