I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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