i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
