So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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