Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
