So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize