My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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