omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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