I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize