Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
