The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
