Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
