if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
