I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh god it's open bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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