Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize