I think I died a long time ago.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
