did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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