the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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