Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
