Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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