how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They took my balls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
