Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
