I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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