I didn't shave. On purpose
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
