I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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