You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I deserve this hangover.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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