i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
