i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
