if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize