someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
