I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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