This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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