I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
