Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
