I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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