Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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