Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
