I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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