where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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