Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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