My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
