i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
