Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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