i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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