i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize