remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
