the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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