My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize