i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this hospital has no fireball
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
