According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
