420 ftw
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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