DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
