would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
