I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
