Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
