The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
